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9 (REALLY Bad) Exam Tips That You Could Read or Just Ignore. It's Totally up to You.

28th May 2014 Posted by: Tom Hagues

1. Do not take your phone into the exam


Mobile phones are not allowed into exams, especially maths exams. This is because mobile phones now have calculators in them, and this makes cheating much easier. If you need to contact someone outside the exam hall, ask your invigilator to install a landline phone at your exam desk. This will allow you to make and answer phone calls without being accused of cheating.

2. Wear appropriate clothing for your exam


Consider wearing a suit. Wearing a suit increases a person’s confidence by almost 46.5%. This will unquestionably result in higher marks. It should be noted that you shouldn’t wear fancy dress clothes, because the invigilators might not recognise you and you will miss the chance of taking the exam. This could possibly result in failure.

3. Take a drink into your exam


Most universities have strict policies about drinks. You will probably not be allowed to use a crudely-built well in the exam hall floor to get your drink from. A clear plastic bottle will do. Since exam regulations state the drink must be water, you can easily get away with drinking vodka, white rum and even white spirit. This will take the nerves away and you will get top marks. It is very unlikely that you will be caught out drinking these liquids as invigilators have no sense of smell.

4. Befriend the invigilators


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Befriending the invigilators has many benefits; not least because you will be gaining new friends – excellent if you do not already have any. Furthermore, you’ll be gaining an inside helping-hand, and your new friends will be there to supply you with answers, help and textbooks. It is VERY important that you do not become romantically entangled with any of them, because this can turn sour and they may turn against you. This will only end badly.

5. Learn new ways to communicate with your classmates


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If you can communicate with others without being noticed, you will not get caught. Most invigilators have now realised this and are therefore all trained in Morse Code. Instead, try throat warbling, telepathy and carrier pigeon as a means of communication. Carrier pigeon works very well, as invigilators are notoriously bad at being able to fly, so on most occasions they will not be able to catch the pigeon.

7. Take lunch with you

Exams can be stressful and can often be a strain on your body. To make sure you get through the exam without your performance levels dropping, take a 15 minute break during your exam to eat something. It is advisable that you eat slow-releasing energy foods; rice and pastas are best. If you need to cook something, the invigilators will not mind you using a portable gas stove, as long as you do not accidentally set anything on fire.

8. Give yourself a pep talk

Take a hand held mirror into your exam and give yourself some encouragement while the invigilators lay out the exam’s guidelines. It may also help to slap your own face whilst doing so. Another top tip is to write messages of support on your hands, all the way up your arms and behind your knees.

9. Do a little dance

You will probably have aching legs and a sharp stabbing pain in your knee after sitting still for two hours so if you finish early it's a good idea to get up and do a little dance. Get your fellow students and invigilators to join in. Disco and techno are popular music genres. Gangsta rap is not advisable as it might distract students who are still finishing their papers. If you are a bad dancer you might like to bring a karaoke machine or you could just go home.

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